Pedicure with Satan

I've had a pedi with Satan. Okay, I've had a mani/pedi with him. Don't get all judgy wudgy. You may not have had a mani/pedi with him but I bet you car pooled with him at some point. Or he went grocery shopping with you. If you're married, then I know he's been on a date with you and your husband. 

He's a sneaky slippery snake but I've eaten out of the palms of his freshly manicured claws...and so have you. Maybe you haven't...OOH! Right there...he just did it! Liar! Liar! Putting one thought into my brain. One thought of insecurity. One thought that makes me feel unloved, isolated, silly for sharing. One thought that leads to another thought that leads to another...and all of a sudden, I forget I was bought with a price. The price of the cross of Jesus Christ. I forget to take my thoughts captive and then my thought life becomes my reality and that reality, the one founded in lies, well, that reality bites!

Here's how Satan gets me : 

He sneaks in masked as your BFF (best friend forever. Forever ever? Forever ever!). I'm not talking about your real-life BFF. Not your girlfriend with skin. I'm talking about that place you go in your head because, if you're honest, you're afraid that your BFF may not be able to handle the darkness/insecurity/depravity within you. She might not love you anymore. She might judge you. (Another LIE. Godly women sharpen you! They make you better! Get you one!). 
Back to Satan...
At first he's just listening. Listening to you whine (and maybe some of you wHine). Whine about your husband and the list of honey-do's you're holding on to from your first week of marriage. (Every honey-do list is different. It ain't all "Wash the dishes. Help with the laundry". That actually comes innate in some men. Some honey-do's are "Hug me. Look at me. Love me.") And then after Satan listens to you grumble for a while, he validates you with a lie, "Yes, guuuurrrl. You remind that "man" where he gets his bread buttered. He's not worth this trouble. There's nothing left to fight for in this marriage. You fell out of love with each other ages ago. You've given your best years and your beach body up for his blankedy blank blank blank."  (Satan is a cussing scum bag.)  But his lie grows. And so does your distance between you and your husband. So now you're ready to pack his bags or your bags and do some walking with your cute new toesies, except that you haven't even gotten to the point in your pedi where your freshly-shaven legs are physically assaulted with the "refreshing" and flesh-tearing-sea-salt-scrub. 

So you sit. 

And think. 

And you downward spiral...

You now know, after consulting with the "father of lies", that your marriage is a sham. Like, for sure. You totally get Taylor now. I mean, you're never EVER EVER getting back together! 

Your marriage is a failure.

Probably because of how much you suck. I mean, you really do. You really are a failure. You gave up your dreams and your hopes and for what? A new SUV and a boat? You have no purpose. You're just a trophy wife. And not even a good trophy anymore. You're a dusty bowling trophy in your Grandma's knick-knack room. (Reminder: schedule botox this week.) Now you check FaceBook. Oh great, the Mitchells just posted pictures of their weekend at the family lake house. They look so happy. Why can't we be happy like the Mitchells. Maybe we should buy a lake house. Yes, we should. No, wait, we're never ever ever getting back together, so a joint lake house seems stupid. OOH! We should have another baby! We really got along during the fifteen minutes it took to make the other two. Ooh, what time is it? 3:02. Oh good, I've got a few minutes before they realize I'm late picking them up from school. UGH! What kind of mother says that? The kind behind bars telling her scary story on tonight's LifeTime t.v. movie. Your children are better off if CPS intervenes right this minute. All you're going to instill in them is doubt, insecurity and possibly some sort of confused sexual identity that will lead to an expensive therapy bill that they'll probably send to you to pay b/c you failed them so miserably in their spoiled lavish lifestyle that they can't hold a job but they call themselves "Social Media Experts" because they have a Twitter account, FaceBook account, email account...but NO CHECKING ACCOUNT! But they only got to this place in life because you were trying to buy them a lifestyle to cover up what a failure you are as a wife and mother. 

Failure. Epic failure. 

You look up, an hour and a half has slipped by since you first sat down. 
You pick yourself up out of the chair, almost drunk off the low. So this is how shawty got low (anyone getting these musical lyric jokes?). 

You walk to the check-out counter, slide your card (praying it isn't declined) and you smile, "Thank you! I feel so great!"

But you don't. 

Because you had a mani/pedi with Satan. And you bought Every. Single. WORD. And then you elaborated on those 'words' and you turned them into sentences and paragraphs and you assigned those thoughts a value and now that value is your belief. A belief that you place higher than the WORD of God. Because now you're walking in the word...of Satan, the accuser. You're literally walking in it. Carrying it with you. You're going to take it with you to pick up your kids from school. You're going to take it home with you to greet your husband with a "hey" and a grunt instead of a hug and a "hi. how was your day?" You're going to view yourself through the lenses of a liar. 

And all cuz you didn't have a beat down on the first ugly, critical thought that entered your brain. 

Armor up, ladies (Ephesians 6:10-18). Take captive every thought. Don't let one slip through. Or your marriage is doomed and your kids are doomed and your purpose is doomed. Satan is prowling around looking for someone to DEVOUR. He wants to eat you alive. Does that sound like someone you want to have a mani/pedi with? I think not. Sounds like someone I want to throat-punch. Throat-punch with the true Word of God. 

Throw some punches at the enemy today (reminder: the enemy is NOT your husband or your children). 

Keep Going.

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

Enter the Darkness

I've been reading through the Old Testament. I've made my way through the Genesis adventures. Falling more in love with the flawed characters. I find my pride and vulnerability in Eve. I find my anger and jealousy in Cain. I find my lust and curiosity for sin in Lot's wife (who looked back just one more time). I remember my infertility in Sarah AND find my stubborn wantonness in her as well. I find my desire to obey, lead and commune with God in Abraham. In Joseph, I find my loneliness and favor with God. And in Moses, I find a person who was willing to enter the darkness to find God. 

I relate to that. 

Exodus 20 is where God is giving the Ten Commandments to Moses and the people of Israel. He gives the "Thou shalt nots..." and then at the end of the chapter, beginning in verse 18 and ending in verse 21, the people respond...in fear. When God's presence appeared before them belting out His Commandments, it wasn't accompanied by a string quartet as its soundtrack. It was stinkin' scary. God's presence was brought through thunder, lightning, trumpet sounds and a smoking mountain. 

So picture this, God's about to talk to you and give you His law and the sky turns black,  and lightning, so bright, so electric, begins flashing through the sky that it looks like heaven is falling. And then lightning gives way to its voice: THUNDER. Thunder so loud and so quick that when you try to count, "One one thousand...two one thousand..." you can only get to "One...." and then lightning flashes and thunder crashes and you realize, "well, this is how I'm going to die. I sure hope my...uh, camels and goats are in order" (b/c you're an Israelite in the desert so all you've got are camels and goats). And then through the deafening thunder you hear a trumpet. So loud, that you can't help but look up at the treacherous sky because you want to find the source of the sound of the trumpet that is shredding your eardrums. But your eyes don't find the trumpet. Instead, they find that the mountain you're standing at the foot of is smoking. You're standing at the foot of a smoking mountain in a crazy lightning storm in high winds and all you can think of is "Oh dang. This mountain is going to erupt. THIS is how I'm going to die. Goodbye camels and goats." 

And then through it all, the lightning, thunder, trumpet, and smoke, you hear the scariest, mightiest, holiest thing you've ever or will ever experience, the voice of God. And the sound of His voice makes the rest of the "show" look like the opening number from an episode of "Glee." 

And you're afraid. Very afraid. 

So afraid, that when God stops talking, you push Moses to the front and say, 
"Okay, buddy. You go, you deal with HIM. We'll stay back here. You brought us here, you're our guy. We took a vote and it's unanimous! Go ahead. We'll cheer you on!  Hip Hip Hooray!  M - O - S - E - S...you must be the GREATEST, BEST! GGGGOOOOOOO MOSES!" 

And you stay behind because you don't want to die. You're sure that to be close to God's presence is sudden and certain death. And Moses is like, "Don't be such a skeerdy cat! Don't fear God, R-E-S-P-E-C-T Him and obey Him and you won't have a problem with Him." 

But Exodus 20:21 (NKJV) nails it. It says:

"So the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was." 

God's presence was covered in darkness. Darkness is a terrifying place for me to be. I like to be in control. I can't control what I cannot see and I cannot see in the darkness. 

But the places I have been closest to God have been in the darkest places. 
The aftermath of my Dad's suicide. Darkness. Pitch black. And God was there and He rescued me. 
The time I miscarried twins. Darkness. Hopeless. And God was there and He rescued me.
The next time I miscarried a baby. Darkness. Despair. And God was there and He rescued me. 
The time my marriage was falling apart. Darkness. Black. And God was there and He rescued me. 
The time I almost gave completely in to my selfishness, sin, flesh, temptations. Darkness. And God was there and He rescued me. 

God has not left us. Especially when it's dark. His presence is in the darkness. You're not alone. You may not be able to see, but that's okay, Jesus has this way of giving sight to the blind. 

KEEP GOING!

2 Truths & A Lie

2 Truths and a Lie: (you try and figure out which "fact" is the lie)
1.  I am working on my Master's Degree in Church Leadership thru an online university. 
2.  I've been a licensed massage therapist.
3.  I drive a minivan. 

I played this game one time when I led a women's Bible study at my church. I gave the exact same clues. In a group of 85 women, only 4 women (who didn't know me super well), guessed the right answer. Only 4. Hehe. 

TRUTH: I WAS a licensed massage therapist. Talk about the long, expensive way to try and outrun God's will & call for your life. Silly girl. Thinking I could outrun my call to serve God full-time. Oh the things He allows us to go through - and the time and money we waste! (PS - I'm DONE wasting my time and money, aren't you. Let's OBEY...say it with me: OBEY!) 

Now let's memorize 1 Samuel 15:22 (nlt)

Samuel said:

“What is more pleasing to the Lord:

    your burnt offerings and sacrifices

    or your obedience to his voice?

Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,

    and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

TRUTH: I drive a minivan. Oh yeah I do. And I love it. We actually bought this sexy beast of a vehicle a year before we even had a child...that's love. 
I was an associate student pastor for about 18 months and when I got the swagger-wagon-grocery-getter, one of my beloved Mamas (Mrs. Teresa Shelton, I'm talkin' bout YOU), she gave me a coffee cup and stationary that said, "I'm too sexy for my minivan."  Yes, yes I am. I LOVE that minivan. Seriously L-O-V-E it! It's so easy and practical. And it has buttons that I press to open the doors. Press a button, BOOM: doors slide open, kids climb in.  BOOM: jealous much? Not yet? Let me continue...did I mention that my 2-yr-old can climb into it all by herself. My sexy sleek mama wagon sits low enough to the ground that my baby child can crawl into it by her self. BOOM: now you're jealous!


LIE: I am not working on my Master's Degree in Church Leadership (or any other studies). But I consider myself to be a student of the church. I love reading all things church and leadership and discipleship. I don't ever want to stop learning. The day I stop learning is the day I hope that I draw my last dying breath. 


What about you? What's a surprising little fun fact about your life that most people would find difficult to believe? 

Have a super great Wednesday. (and KEEP GOING!)

See the sexy beast behind me. 

That's what 'practical' looks like. 

Star Trek & Other Family Escapes

There will always be 'those' people. You know the ones. You might be married to one. You might be raising one. Or, Lawt forbid, you might BE one. They begin journal entries with "Star Date...". They believe speaking Klingon is the true gift of tongues from the Holy Spirit. They might even have a onesie-track-suit. And they definitely sit and deliberate how awesome it will be when the government finally lets us use teleporting (you know they have the technology...come on! Hey Uncle Sam, what do you think we are, STUPID?!?! CRAZY?!?!). 
Mean people call them freaks, geeks, but good Christian people, we call them what they are:

TREKKIES.

My Dad was a Trekkie. More of a closeted Trekkie. But in the privacy of his home, with his family eating salisbury steak and mashed potatoes from TV trays, watching our 19-inch tube television (that had been struck by lightning and only powered on by an "ingenious" toggle switch which sometimes caused the screen to roll and stop just perfectly so that a person's nose, chin and lips were at the top of the screen and their forehead and eyes were underneath the bothersome scroll line in the middle of the screen, making our crap tv the first-ever split-screen). But side-by-side, eating, watching, bearing the intensity of the amazing writing and acting, we were all a happy family of Trekkies. Dad wanted to be James T. Kirk. And I think Mom would have happily traded Dad in for the Captain.

But I remember it as family time. Watching old reruns together until "Star Trek: The Next Generation" came along. And then it was new episodes. New enemies. New heroes. New drama. New fun.

But as much as I love "The Next Generation", my Daddy raised me right, and thus, I'll always and forever be a beloved Trekkie devoted to "Star Trek", The First Generation."

And in that same living room, our weird Trekkie family prayed together, read Scripture together, and laughed together and cried together. We got happy news together. And we received devastating news together. 

But we did it together. 

So my big Trekkie wisdom for you today is: KEEP IT TOGETHER. 

Stay with your stupid husband because you love Jesus. Stay with your stupid wife because you love Jesus. Because your stupid kids aren't stupid. They're watching it all. They're hearing it all. They're building an arsenal inside their hearts and minds and one day, our sin will return to us through them if we don't break these cycles of selfishness. 

God is good. Your spouse might not be. But you might not be, either. 

Find a fun family escape - play Skipbo, Monopoly, Checkers. Take it old school, like we do, and pull out the sprinkler in the backyard and make everybody run through it. Trust me, you can't be mad and plotting your escape route when you're being chased through a sprinkler by your kids and your spouse. When Brad and I just can't take it anymore, we throw balls at each other. Yeah. That's right. We go outside and let Emmy run around the sprinkler and he & I throw either a beach ball or a bouncy ball at each other and we basically play "hit it or dodge it" - but it makes us laugh. 

Sometimes we just have to KEEP GOING through the pissed off phase so we can get to a place where we can laugh. Laughter helps us calm down, stop taking ourselves so seriously and remember why we fell in love in the first place. 

So find that escape for your family today. In the Johnson house, one of our escapes was "Star Trek". In the Phillips house, it's running through the sprinklers and/or throwing a ball at each other (not actually trying to "David & Goliath" somebody). 

As I learned from Star Trek (and from the Bible), our enemies are not from within our ship (uh, I mean, our home). Our enemy is out there, and if we find that he made his way IN, then we gotta armor up and kick him back to hell where he belongs. 
"For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age." Ephesians 6:12 (GNT). That's serious, people. We're fighting against "the wicked spiritual forces". Oh dang. I've got chills. 

Our families are worth fighting for.

Don't leave your door open to the enemy. And stop looking at your spouse as your enemy. He/she is your gift from God. And don't even think about re-gifting him or her. (I know it crossed your mind!) 

Someone reading this is hanging her/his head with tears filling their eyes internally whispering, "But you don't understand. I can't take it anymore."

And I respectfully and lovingly say back to you, "Oh yes I do." 

I've been there. Maybe I was there a day ago or a week ago or a year ago. But I've been there. And when I couldn't count on my spouse to fill my heart or expectations (which he never can - he wasn't created for that God-shaped hole in my heart), I return to my Savior. And He heals me. Every. Single. Time. And He helps me stay (and WANT to stay). 

God loves you. God never left you. God never cheated on you. God never chose his work over you. God has never had a problem with pornography, alcohol, lying, gambling, eating, drugs, over-spending. God is the lover of your soul. The One who created you. He knows you just as you are and He wants you anyway. Exactly your weight. With your unforgiveness and your anger...He wants you just as you are right now.   

So go to Him. And KEEP GOING to Him. He's in the business of bringing what was dead back to life again. He did it through His Son, Jesus and He can do it in your marriage, with your kids, in your family. 

Keep on Trekking. 

"Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21 (GNT)

(My parting gift to you...my best Trekkie look. Slicked back hair, big ears, high-neck-track-suit. You're welcome.)

I'm very busy and important. 

Check out that BIG ear!! 

PS - I'm typing in Klingon.