Fall into...FOCUS!

Fall into…FOCUS? That doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? What sounds like fun is running through Starbucks, grabbing a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte and going to buy a new pair of red sequined Uggs. Yeah. That sounds like fun.

Do you know what’s no fun? Waking up on December 26th with the holiday hangover…you know what that looks like. You’re 7 pounds heavier, you’re flat broke and dreading the credit card statement that’s coming your way the first of January, and your family is in a huge fight or, worse, not speaking at all because you spent no quality time together throughout the holidays.

If we want to beat the holiday hangover, then we have to focus now.

Here’s the three areas that need our focus today:

1.  Tell Your Money Where To Go

Make a budget.  Sit down with your family and realistically write down what you have to spend on Christmas. It has to cover gifts for family, friends, and even gift exchanges. Everyone needs to agree to the budget. Sign it if it makes it more feel more real. Make a real commitment and then do a weekly check of how everyone’s doing. Decide on a drawer in your kitchen that you’ll each throw your spending receipts into. Appoint someone (Mom, Dad) the family accountant who adds up the receipts and tells the family how they’re doing each week.

Give yourselves a goal. If you underspend or don’t overspend, you’ll do _________. You fill in the blank. Maybe your family will go out for a steak dinner. Or maybe it’ll be burgers and bowling.

2.  Tell Your Time Where To Go

Make a schedule. Your time is an investment, don’t spend it on lesser things. What do I mean by “lesser things”? Lesser things are the things that aren’t necessarily a waste of your time, but they’re not the best use of your time. When we say “Yes” to something, we are automatically saying “No” to something else. And we easily over-extend ourselves in the holiday season – especially because our “Yes” usually is a “No” to our spouse or our kids.

Decide how many holiday parties you’re going to commit to. And be sure to hold that up to your budget – if you can’t afford another gift exchange, bow out politely. You’ll get another invite! Choose to make time for the people who matter most to you.

Create a special date night for you and your spouse. Have a couple of family nights at home where you make homemade caramel corn and you watch a movie with your family snuggled up on the couch. Make those special moments happen.

And enjoy holiday parties with your adult friends also! We need adult time to connect, share, laugh and relax.

Decide where you’ll spend the holidays. If you wait until the week before the holiday, you’re probably going to end up in an argument with your spouse, your mom, your in-laws. Do everyone a favor and get it lined out now – people like a plan, even flighty people, like me. I want to know where we’re going, when we’re expected to be there and what I’m supposed to bring. So make a plan and tell your time where to go.

3.  Tell Your Health Where To Go

Make a plan to eat right and work out.  This is the difficult one for me…I want to eat all the goodies like I did when I was 22, you know, back when I could eat it all and my hips not pay the price. But now when I do that, I do pay the price. And I don’t want to have to buy a new sweat pant wardrobe to ring in the new year!

I need to focus on continuing to do the healthy things I’m doing right now…right on through the holidays. We need to keep exercising. We need to care about our daily food intake. Let’s eat healthy. And let’s also enjoy some pumpkin pie or cobbler or a yummy dinner roll.

In all three of these areas you’ll do better if you have someone to hold you accountable.

Ask a friend to be your health adviser, or your time adviser or your budget coach during the November & December months. And make yourself show them a calendar of the days you worked out and when you ate great and when you ate bad. Tell your time adviser how your weeks are shaping up and let that person remind you that you can’t add anything else unless you choose to not sleep. Being accountable for your choices to another person makes you want to do better. 

In all these things, propel yourself forward! January 1, 2014 is coming and it's going to be the time where we have to face all our bad money, time and health choices in the months we are enjoying now; OR it can be the time when we celebrate that we were disciplined. Be focused. Keep going!

The Highlight Steal

The highlight reel is the place where we come and sort of brag about the highlight's of our lives. But if we aren't careful, the highlight reel can steal our lives and our identities. We can become slaves to the criticism or the applause. 

Author Jon Acuff says we should have people we come to and share our exciting life events with...he calls this place the "brag table". Jon says, "Celebrating some accomplishment or goal doesn't make you a jerk...Being vulnerable about your failures is only half of the story; you have to be vulnerable enough to share your successes too." (from the book, "Start" by Jon Acuff, pages 184-185).  

Oh dang. That is difficult for me. Pride is a funny thing because the flip-side of it is insecurity. If you acknowledge that you struggle with one, you're silently acknowledging your struggle with the other. My fear of pride often gives way to insecurity seeping from every pore of my body and either way it seeps out, I'm covered in a gross mess. 

Insecurity beckons false humility. It's still a self-centered "me" mindset, albeit focus is on the flaws of who you think you are, but self-focus remains at the root. It's the part of me that cannot accept a compliment. My friend Lisa used to tell me, "Jessica, stop throwing away my compliments." GREAT life advice. It's okay to receive compliments and praise. I want to learn to receive it well, don't you?  

And now may I introduce the flip-side of insecurity. She is cloaked in fabulousness and does she ever know it. Her name is Pride. And Pride beckons applause.  

Lady Gaga sings it: 

"I live for the applause, applause, applause

I live for the applause-plause

Live for the applause-plause

Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me

The applause, applause, applause

Give me that thing that I love (I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (I'll turn the lights on)"

How frightening. "Give me that thing that I love. Put your hands up. I live for the applause." Pride. Self-worship. Scary. Scary because I step easily between the insecurity trap directly into the pride trap. And scary because scripture is clear that Pride comes before a fall. Pride comes and brings with her her BFF, disgrace (Proverbs 11:2).  I've lived in enough self-induced disgrace to know that I don't want to be her friend anymore. 

So how do we strike a balance between self-depravation (insecurity) and applause (pride)?  

First of all, we have to be grounded in something bigger than ourselves. Knowing that I am God's child should shoot HUGE God-sized wholes through my insecurity, while keeping me humble that I am the created, not the Creator, thus keeping my pride at bay. Knowing I'm called to the high purpose of serving people will keep my knees bowed low before the mighty God of the universe and when I am bowed low I can neither be puffed up with pride nor depressed by insecurity. I cry out to you to "get low" today! 

And here's my final thoughts for today, and I don't offer these lightly because they are my biggest struggle in this season of my life: 

Don't let what other people do for you, or don't do for you, be a reflection of what you deserve! What they do or don't do is a reflection of who THEY ARE, not a reflection of who you are. Don't let it define you.  

We can be slaves to criticism and also to applause. So get low before God today so that the only One you're slave to is big enough to never exploit you! 

Keep Going!! 

Last week was a big week for me with the premier of Studio 7. My family and friends were incredibly gracious to me - reflections of who they are and Who they serve!  

Can I bring a few things to the brag table??  

A card from my sister, Jenni. I opened it and hid my face - bawled like a baby...in public!

A chalkboard note from Brad & Emmy

A balloon bouquet from my Mama

Sweet card from Brad & Emmy

Emmy's signature.

Super happy adrenaline face

And the next day...my super exhausted adrenaline dump face.

The Real Deal

I usually only post the cute things that my child does, says, sings or dances. But since I've talked and blogged about "The Highlight Reel" this week I thought I had better go ahead and get real. Especially since I challenged everyone to be vulnerable. God keeps me humble by always "alloying" me to lead by example. 

I picked Emmy up from MDO (mother's day out) today. She did not nap. Ruh-roh! You see, my child is a napper. She needs a nap every single day. Not just a nap, but a two-hour nap or else a different "being" emerges from inside her. 

In our home it's not uncommon, on days when Emmy's hasn't napped, to hear Brad utter the words, "Lucifer is coming" . Everyone knows to hunker down, gird their loins and pray (and put that baby to bed). 

I captured just a few seconds of Emmy's pre-meltdown-meltdown. The actual meltdown is so loud that I didn't want you to drop your smartphone or explode the speakers in your computer.  

So here's a glimpse at my real life. The raw. The tired.  

Enjoy... 

The Highlight Reel

I sat in the Houston airport terminal waiting to board my final flight to Orlando for my long-awaited and belated birthday trip to see my bestie, Lauren (a.k.a. Lolly). Lolly gave me the best birthday present ever...her new baby boy Colton - he was my ultimate birthday present because God let him enter our world and share my birthday. I waited with baited breath for my next flight.

I pulled out my phone, like everyone else, trying to avoid the awkward airport conversation, "Where are you headed? Where are you from? What do you do? Nice to meet you...blah blah blah..."  

I pulled up my social media sites so I could feel "connected" and entertained. Facebook. Twitter, Instagram. They are the equivalent of my crack. I inhaled and breathed out with elation as each site showed me glimpses into the lives of people I barely know.

This woman posted a photo of the flowers her husband brought her. (How nice.)

That person told about her child's school accomplishment - reading at a third grade level when only in first grade. (Wow. Your kid is a little genius. Yay for you.)

Another woman described the breakfast her husband brought her while she lay in bed waking up. (Breakfast in bed? Are you freaking kidding me?) 

I was relieved when I boarded the plane and the flight attendant told passengers it was time to shut off all portable devices. The phone went "off" and I breathed a sigh of disappointment. Somehow all these good things going on in everyone else's life made me feel...bad. My life was sub-par, not measuring up to the high standard of everyone else's lives on FB, Twitter and Instagram. I thought to myself, "Brad hasn't brought me flowers in six months. Is our marriage in trouble? And Emery isn't even reading yet! She'll never catch up to that kid reading at a third grade level. I need to hire Emery a reading tutor. I know she's only 2, but pulease, if we lived in China she'd already be blogging."

My thoughts went on and on until I realized how ridiculous I sounded. Even in my own mind I could hear the absolute silliness of this little game I call "My life sucks because I'm comparing myself to everyone else."

It was an "Aha" moment in my life. A moment when I had new insight and clarity. It occurred to me that the moments we post on our social media accounts are merely "The Highlight Reels" of our lives. We are posting the best-of-the-best moments of each day or week or month that we choose to share. We aren't posting a photo of the unmade couch that our husband slept on because of the fight we had. We're posting the picture of the flowers he brought us the day after the fight. We're leaving the information about the fight out altogether. It makes us sound like we're living in a rom-com (for my Mom & Sister who do not speak in abbreviations, that's short for: Romance-Comedy). The truth is, we're all just living. 

If you don't want the Highlight Reel to get you down, maybe these three steps will help you. This is what God spoke to me in my "aha" moment: 

1.  Recognize it for what it is...it's a Highlight Reel.

Before I log on to FB, Twitter, or Instagram, I've got to put on the mindset that I'm about to look at the highlight moments of the lives of everyday, normal people; people just like me. 

2.  Stop Comparing!

The "My life sucks" game is a comparison game. And there's no win in comparison. Comparison divides. Comparison whispers, "She got flowers because she's a better wife. Her kid is testing higher because she's a better mom. He brought her breakfast in bed because she works harder." All of those lies add up to the biggest lie of all: I'm not enough. I need to be better, stronger, faster, smarter, thinner, prettier, godlier.  

Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

Comparison causes us to look over our shoulder and envy what "she" has. In the end, it robs us of our true selves, the life God has called me to live. She and I have different purposes in God's plan but I can waste away my purpose. The Bible says I can rot away that purpose through my pity party of looking at her with envy and believing I couldn't be of value because I'm not her. 

James 3:16 tells us the end result of envy,

"Where you have envy and selfish ambition, you will find disorder..."

"Disorder" means no peace. The end result of our comparison game is that we rot away in a life with no peace. Ummm, no thank you.

3.  Celebrate Other People's Highlight Moments

Hit "Like" on that women's photo of the flowers her husband gave her. Leave her a comment that says, "So glad he knows how blessed he is to have YOU! You're special & you deserve flowers everyday!" 

The quick way to get over our envy is to celebrate other people's happy moments. If envy and selfish ambition bring no peace, then is it possible that love, kindness and good will could bring peace to your life? It's worth a shot. 

Okay, so I couldn't leave this at just 3 simple steps. I think we need a challenge. I'm calling step 4 a "faith" step because it will require faith to see this through.  

4.  Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability isn't easy. Where comparison divides, vulnerability unites. Vulnerability says, "me too." Vulnerability leaves a FB post that says, "I'm looking for a 7th grade math tutor, a wish and a prayer. If you could send one or all three I'd be indebted to you for all eternity." All Moms and Dads with kids struggling in academics will laugh, "like" your post and they'll extend every resource they have to help that parent. Because they understand where you're at. As they click "Like" they're really saying, "Me too." 

Vulnerability is why I write this blog. I can't keep up a facade that life is perfect or pretty or easy. That's too much work for such a dirty lie.  

You don't have to air out your family's dirty laundry, please don't. But it is okay to let down your pretenses and be your true self. It's okay to admit that you don't have a perfect marriage or perfect kids or the perfect career.  

It's okay to be YOU because God made YOU for a specific purpose - and we'll never figure out that purpose when we're comparing, envying and being insecure. 

Enjoy the highlight reel this week! Follow my misbehaved life on these three social media sites: 

Facebook: Jessica Johnson Phillips

Twitter: @churchladyjes

Instagram: jujuphillips

PS - keep going!